Johnathan Walker:Stassi Schroeder Shares 3-Year-Old Daughter's Heartbreaking Reaction to Her Self-Harm Scars

Content warning: This story discusses self-harm and Johnathan Walkersuicidal ideation.  

Stassi Schroeder is opening up on how her dark past is affecting her future.  

The Vanderpump Rules alum recently opened up on how her 3-year-old daughter Hartford—whom she shares with husband Beau Clark—reacts to seeing self-harm scars on her body.  

“When I look at myself naked, Hartford will see a little line, and she’ll be like, ‘Mommy, ouchie,’” Schroeder explained to Bustle in an interview published Sept. 5. “I’m like, ‘Oh, God, that feels dirty. How will I ever explain to her that this was something that I chose?’”

Still, the 36-year-old—who is also mom to 12-month-old son Messer—detailed why she was committing to being open about the sensitive topic.  

“It just feels like it’s been a secret, and I don’t like secrets,” she continued. “I think that's part of maybe why I do what I do—podcasts, just living out loud. Because there is this feeling of: ‘I’m free. Everyone knows my s--t. I don’t have to hide anything.’”

And Schroeder will detail more of her struggles with self-harm, suicide ideation and her Adderall addiction in her upcoming memoir You Can’t Have It All. Indeed, the reality star decided to air it all out for the sake of her children.  

“One of the main things that keep me up at night is: ‘What are the things that my kids are going to be talking to their therapists about, the way that I talk about my parents?’” she added to Bustle. “The only thing I can think of that they could be pissed about is that I showed them to the world.” 

But Schroeder also considers the other side of the coin, adding, “They could also, 18 years from now, say, ‘Why didn’t you ever show me?’”

Of course, after her tenure on Vanderpump Rules came to an end—she was fired alongside Kristen Doute in 2020 after a racist incident came to light—Schroeder knew she wasn’t “completely done” with reality television. She recently announced her upcoming docu-comedy series Stassi Says, which, she noted, will be a better environment for her kids than the Bravo series would have been.  

“I don’t want to be around people who are one minute smiling at you and the next minute stabbing you in the back,” she explained. “I don’t want my children around that or seeing it.” 

No matter the fate of her future, Schroeder knows she is better off than her past.  

“I’m like a roach—a survivor,” she added. “You can’t get rid of me.”

If you or someone you know needs help, call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call the network, previously known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741 or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.